February 2012
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“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than...”
– Anaïs Nin
Sometimes I think I have life figured out. I wrote down my one year, three year, and five year goals. I have a place to call home and yet a suitcase that never rests. I still felt that I could make it happen. Maybe I will actually change my address on that driver’s license, or finally switch my health card from the province that I left seven years ago to the one I actually live in. Or maybe...
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Today while on a call with a journalist, I was reminded of a great teaching I’ve learned in the past five years. That, we, as Native people, must use our natural gifts in a way that helps our Native community. That serving our community comes before personal career gratification.
No one can make you feel guilty without your consent. To think I have been agonizing with guilt for choosing to prioritize myself, only to be faced with the reality that was exactly what the person was doing who was trying to make me feel bad. I will not allow myself to be caught in this trap again. The guilt trap is one that serves no one.
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There are moments in life where you need to be selfish. You can see that the future is blinding with abundance and sunbeams but in order for you to reach that pinnacle, you need to take all of your energy and harness it. Sometimes in these moments your actions are misinterpreted, but if your intention is for the greater good and you’re moving forward with a positive and peaceful heart, it...
And now I learn to extricate breath from life. Without it, I can survive and strive. With it, I felt ready to conquer the world. And now I learn the sweet struggle.
Today was a day that was filled with beginnings and endings.
It was the end of one chapter that was more like a novella and the beginning of another that’s an opening to a real novel.
Sometimes you really need to study the words between the actions to get the whole story.
The end.
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It’s so cliche, but that whole “caught between two worlds” is really a thing. Sometimes I feel neither here nor there, never really belonging anywhere. And so I wander, hoping I’ll find just that place where I fit.
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“But at some point I had to choose happiness, I had to make that a priority. And...”
– Karen (Californication)
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Today I learned a lesson on expectations. Sometimes you don’t think that you can do something, be something and then it turns out that everyone else was just waiting for you to do, to be. I must expect more from myself always.